Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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