I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
