i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
