Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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