my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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