I'm going to jail i love you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've blown a few things in my day
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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