I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
