Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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