a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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