the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
