Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
