But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
