so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
