Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
