Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
