yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
