He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
