Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im holly from the hills drunk
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
