I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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