Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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