Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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