Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
did i walk over a car last night?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
