Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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