1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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