My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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