Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
