I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
