My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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