This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
