She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
