You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
