Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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