Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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