Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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