Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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