hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
