My friends, they love my intelligence
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
