Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
