we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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