I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
