My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
