i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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