You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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