My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm like, not good at living.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
