You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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