Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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