Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
