i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
