If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
