She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In other news, I just burned my penis
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
