I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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