it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you didnt know i had herpes?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
