If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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