I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
