I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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