dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
