Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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