If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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